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"Hot Dog (transcript)"
Season 1, Episode 27
Hot Dog Title Card
Production Code: 114B
Airdate: August 13, 2011
Villain(s) Featured: The Chameleon
Credits
Writer(s): Will Schifrin, Kevin Sullivan, Ray Delaurentis
Director(s): Michelle Bryan
Storyboards by: Aáron Hammersley
Art Direction: George Goodchild
Music by: Guy Moon
Chronology
Previous
Frisky Business
Next
Disobedience School


This article is a transcript of the T.U.F.F. Puppy episode, "Hot Dog" from Season 1. It aired on August 13, 2011.

Transcript

  • (episode starts with television news broadcast; Wolf Spitzer stands outside the Petropolis Convention Center; it is snowing)
  • Wolf Spitzer: (on TV holding microphone; shivering) "This is Wolf Spitzer, freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show." (image cuts to poodle atop a podium) "Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize: their very own mailman." (curtains open to reveal mailman; poodle chases him)
  • Keswick: (changes channel with bone remote, to Kitty) "What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a d-duh-dog show?
  • (elevator bell rings; doors slide open to show Dudley, who is spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray, holding a mirror and wearing a sash that reads "Pretty")
  • Dudley: (drops mirror and can of spray; turns around to face Kitty and Keswick) "Guess who's entering the dog show?" (points to himself; smug)
  • Kitty: (folding her arms) "You gotta be kidding me."
  • Dudley: (struts) "I know, I'm gorgeous right?" (whips hair into Keswick, causing him to fall) "Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look (brushes hair) 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own MAILMAN!" (grabs mirror and poses; gazes at reflection) "Am I hot, or what?
  • The Chief: (walks up to mirror) "I'm hot too." (mirror cracks)
  • Keswick: "Weell, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym."
  • The Chief: "No, I mean it's getting warm in here." (sweating)
  • (Kitty pulls blinds open and looks outside; snow covering Petropolis quickly melts away [including a snow man] and flowers blossom; clouds part and sun shines bright)
  • Kitty: (startled) "It's like it's suddenly became spring."
  • The Chief: "That's impossible! Agent Groundhog saw his shadow yesterday - that means six more weeks of winter!"
  • (Agent Groundhog grabs the Chief and squeezes him in his hands)
  • Agent Groundhog: (panicky) "Something's wrong! Something's terribly wro-ho-ho-hoong!"
  • (Agent Groundhog dives into his hole and covers it up with the office printer)
  • Keswick: (alarm rings; observing giant monitor) "We have a problem people! According to my readings it's 86 duh-duh-degrees, and rising fast." (temperature rises to 90F; Keswick types and thermal street map of Petropolis appears) "Looks like the source of the sudden heatwave is the ch-ch-ch-Chameleon's house."
  • The Chief: (looks up at monitor, then points) "Get me a direct line to the Chameleon! I'd call him myself but I'm outta minutes." (flips open cellphone to show a photo of him and a ladybug) "I've been chattin' up the ladies I met in my tiny spinning class."
  • (Kitty presses speed dial button; system dials, then monitor displays the Chameleon's answering machine, in his lair)
  • The Chameleon: (via answering machine; beep) "Hello, you have reached the Chameleon. I can't come to the phone right now- (answering machine transforms into the Chameleon)
  • The Chameleon: (actual form) "Haha! Just kidding. I love messing with your head Agent Katswell. Wow, Agent Puppy, someone hit you with the handsome stick."
  • Dudley: (blowdrying hair) " Thanks Chameleon. Now what's the deal with the heat wave?!"
  • The Chameleon: "Oh, that. It's part of my latest diabolical plan!" (images displayed on monitor) "I'm using a giant magnifying glass, to superheat Petropolis, to 151 degrees!
  • The Chief: (pulls out melting ice cream cone) "You maniac! You'll melt all the ice cream!"
  • Dudley: (holding snowballs) "And we'll never have another snow day!" (drops them; falls to the ground and frantically makes snow angels) "NOOOOOO!"
  • Keswick: "Uh guys, you might be missing the big picture here. If the Chameleon raises the temperature (holds magnifying glass to poster; it smokes, then burns) to 151 degrees, everyone will be ffah-ffah-ffah-ff-fried!
  • The Chameleon: (on monitor) "Everyone except a cold-blooded lizard like me! Haha! You see, I am tired of being chilled all the time (shivers) and paying outrageous heating bills. Look at this! (takes out bill and points to it) "Thirty-four dollars and nineteen cents! What am I, made of money?!" (tears bill)
  • Keswick: "If you're cold, why didn't you just put on a jacket?"
  • The Chameleon: "Oh right, that's diabolical. I'm an evil villain," (ducks and stands back up, wearing a pea coat, hat and scarf) "-fear me in my new pea coat." (rips pea coat off) "Now, if you'll excuse, I'm going to inflate my new Splash n' Play swim set! I stole it!" (laughs, then ends call, screen goes static)
  • The Chief: "We've got to stop that madman! Agents Puppy and Katswell, it's up to you."
  • Dudley: (busy grooming his hair while looking at hand mirror) "Actually it's up to Kitty. My groomer Stefan, said I'm supposed (pops umbrella up) to stay out of the sun. Or maybe he's supposed to stay out of the sun? He is a vampire bat."
  • (Kitty is unamused; she throws a tennis ball past Dudley; it bounces)
  • Dudley: (distracted) "BALL!!!?"
  • (Dudley jumps off the building after chasing the ball outside; catches it with his mouth and then lands in the T.U.F.F. Mobile; as a contented Kitty starts up the car, Dudley realizes he's been tricked)
  • Dudley: (In passenger's seat) "Darn it! I fall for that every time!"
  • (T.U.F.F. mobile jets off)
  • (transition to next scene where the Chameleon's magnifying glass is causing an intense heat wave: trees shed their leaves, roads crack, buildings fall apart and cacti grow; Kitty and Dudley are flying past in the T.U.F.F. Mobile)
  • Kitty: (looking outside, at the desolation) "Oh no Dudley! The Chameleon's turning the city into a desert!"
  • (Dudley accidentally sprays hairspray into her face, instead of his hair)
  • Dudley: "We'll stop 'em Kitty! But first, what do you think of my acceptance speech?" (clears throat, then reads from manuscript) "Ladies and gentlemen, the dictionary defines "winner" as a tube-shaped piece of meat best served on a bun."
  • Kitty: (driving) "Ugh, that's wiener. You looked up the wrong word."
  • Dudley: "Great!" (chucks manuscript away) "I rented a full-length bun for no reason." (pulls out giant bun from backseat)
  • (one of his hairs pop out of place)
  • Dudley: "Auuggh! I have a hair out of place!" (sprays with a bottle of hairspray in each hand; hairspray fills car)
  • Kitty: (screams) "I can't see!" (loses control of the car, it starts careening out of control towards the ground)
  • Dudley: "On the bright side, your fur is full bodied and manageable!"
  • (car crashes bumper first, resulting in a mangled body of metal; Kitty screams and car alarm goes off; Kitty manage to free herself, mostly uninjured)
  • Kitty: "Dudley!"
  • Dudley: (parachutes down to ground) "Don't worry Kitty, I'm okay! I took the other parachute for my fur, but It turns out I didn't need it." (starts blowdrying his hair)
  • Kitty: (notices) "Where is that plugged into?"
  • Dudley: "My cubicle back at T.U.F.F." (points) "I got the one with the super long cord." (cord extends far off into the horizon)
  • Kitty: "We're gonna have to get to the Chameleon's house on foot, so we'll have have to ration our water."
  • Dudley: "Not a problem. I left the water back at T.U.F.F. so I wouldn't accidentally spill it on my (unfurls golden locks) fur.
  • Kitty: "Dudley, your obsession with this dog show is wrecking our mission!"
  • Dudley: (whimpers; sheds tears) "I'm sorry Kitty, it's just that I've never won anything before. (wipes tears with hair; pulls out a piece of paper with handwriting on it) "Well I did win a "STAY OUT OF THE OFFICE FOR A WEEK!" pass.. but I think the Chief just made that up!
  • Kitty: (sympathetic) "He did. Come on, let's stop the Chameleon, then you can win the dog show and get that mailman!"
  • Dudley: "Thanks Kitty."
  • (Kitty hugs him, then he suddenly pushes her off; she yells)
  • Dudley: (blow drying hair) "Watch the fur!"
  • (transition - the sun shines brightly and an eagle screeches; Kitty is struggling to walk due to the immense heat)
  • Kitty: (dripping with sweat) "Ugh, it's getting hotter by the minute. And I don't remember my backpack being this heavy!
  • Dudley: (on Kitty's back; perspiring) "I don't know what you're complaining about. I'm wearing the backpack!"
  • Kitty: "Dudley!" (loses balance and falls; Dudley flips off and lands face down on the parched ground) "I can't take much more of this heat." (grabs Dudley by his hair and scours the backpack) "There should be some emergency supplies in the T.U.F.F. survival kit." (pulls out first-aid kit and opens it, only to see that it is filled with haircare products; holding a brush and a mirror, speaks angrily) "What happened to the emergency supplies?!"
  • Dudley: "They're back at T.U.F.F. with the water! I hate to make room for my haircare stuff." (takes haircare products away) "You see this look? It does not come easy." (brushes hair; looks at self in hand mirror) "Who's gonna win a mailman? You're gonna win a mail man." (points at reflection)
  • Kitty: (kneeling on the ground, sweating; reads manual) "According to the manual, the best way to survive this heat.. is to shave your fur."
  • Dudley: (sweats, nervously) "Right... what's the second best way?"
  • Kitty: (holding electric razor) "Face it Dudley, we have to shave." (flips switch on; Dudley becomes fearful) "I'll go first."
  • (Kitty starts shaving her fur off, off-frame; Dudley anxiously watches, holding onto the ends of his hair)
  • (Kitty is shown with her fur shaved off, exposing her pinkish skin: except for her tail and a patch around her torso which can be likened to a one-piece swimsuit)
  • Kitty: (holds razor; filled with relief) "Ahhh, much cooler. Your turn."
  • Dudley: (defensive; aims blowdryer at Kitty) "My fur and I are gonna have to ask you to put that down."
  • Kitty: (reasons) "Oh come on Dudley."
  • Dudley: (aggressive) "PUT... THE RAAZZOR... DOOOOWWWWNNNNN!"
  • Kitty: "Okay, fine!" (stomps off angrily) If you want to suffer from heat exhaustion and hallucinations, then go ahead!"
  • Dudley: (tries to follow Kitty but starts panting and sweating) "First of all, I'm not hot! And second of all.. (pants) I don't hallucinate! If you don't believe me, (points to mermaid) ask that mermaid on a unicycle!
  • Kitty: "Dudley, that's a tumbleweed." (turns out to be a tumbleweed; Dudley continues to pant, gasp and sweat)
  • Dudley: (dazed) "Why would a mermaid be on a tumbleweed?! I think you're the one who's hallucinating!" (points to rock; puddle of sweat forms beneath him)
  • Kitty: (unamused; facepalm) "Okay, this is what I was talking about. You're losing it, and you're jeopardizing our mission!"
  • Dudley: (still hallucinating) "Nobody's losing anything!.. giant banana with the head of a rooster." (sees Kitty as a rooster-headed giant banana)
  • Kitty: (seen as banana) "Ugh, this is ridiculous."
  • Dudley: (sweating) "Well.. if that isn't the banana rooster calling the kettle..black." (walks over to toilet bowl and sits) Now'll if you excuse me, I'm gonna hang out in this karaoke lounge with my new friend Andy. (wraps his arm around a cactus; is stung and screams) "He's a porcupine." (smiles)
  • Kitty: (furious) "I'm going after the Chameleon.. I'll leave the razor in case you come to your senses!" (drops razor and mumbles to herself) "I have to do everything myself!" (storms off)
  • Dudley: (soaked in sweat and hallucinating; arm wrapped around cactus) "C'mon Andy I'll buy you a root beer! You know, I've got a..full length bun that would great on you."
  • (transition to The Chameleon relaxing on his stolen kiddie pool; he floats on a tube as the heat from his magnifying glass continues to turn Petropolis into an inhospitable wasteland)
  • The Chameleon: (holds drink) "Ha, this is the life. Soo relaxing.. except for the occasional screams of people as they fry." (elderly woman screams, he sips his drink) "Walk it off Mrs. Ungerman!" (laser blast destroys his glass)
  • Kitty: (aiming blaster) "Freeze Chameleon!"
  • Chameleon: "But I don't want to freeze! That's the whole point of my plan!" (shoots tongue at Kitty, wrangles her blaster off and equips himself with it) "Haha! Now the blaster's on the other foot... Well, you know what I mean." (sweating) "Oh.. I think the heat's getting to me now." (fires a blast at a tree branch, causing it and an attached anchor to fall onto Kitty's head, knocking her out; Chameleon blows gun) "And people said I was crazy for planting an anchor tree!"
  • (transition to Kitty's point-of-view; she wakes up and sees the Chameleon)
  • The Chameleon: "And now Kitty Katswell, you will cook along with the rest of Petropolis, only faster and more evenly!"
  • (he has tied Kitty to a spit and plans to rotisserie her; he starts rotating her by turning the handcrank and then tries to light the barbecue grill with a lighter - but it fails to light a flame)
  • The Chameleon: (annoyed) "Oh come on! (continues to try) Oh darn it! The same thing happened when I made shrimp kebabs last week."
  • Kitty: (tied to spit, rotating) "HELLLPP!"
  • (meanwhile, cut to Dudley; who is still hanging out in his "karaoke lounge", hallucinating and drenched in sweat)
  • (Dudley is sitting in the toilet bowl, singing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" out of key and with a toilet plunger)
  • Dudley: ♫ "Take me out to the ballll game! Take me out to the croowd! Buy me some peanuts and donkey snacks-" ♫ (to cactus Andy, who is now wearing the bun) "That's my song for the talent portion of the dog show.
  • Kitty: (far in the distance) "DUDLEY! HELP ME!"
  • Dudley: (notices, shakes his head) "Wait a minute.. That's my partner. You met her Andy. She's the banana with the rooster head? She sounds like she's in trouble!" (tries to spring into action, but falls; a toilet seat is stuck to his buttocks) "It's too hot.. I can't do it." (gasp) "What's that Andy? Shave my fur? But you know how important the dog show is to me!"
  • (cactus stands before him, silent and lifeless)
  • Dudley: (sweating) "You're right, Kitty's important too. But last time I checked, you don't get a mailman for saving Kitty." (looks at electric razor, grabs it and looks into hand mirror; then whimpers) "Oh what do I do?! I'm so confused! Hold me Andy.." (hugs cactus) "Aaaah! Let go of me Andy!"
  • (transition to The Chameleon, who is still trying to light the grill)
  • The Chameleon: (fails again) "Oh, what does a guy have to do to get a light around here?" (presses lighter's trigger yet again, this time a flame appears - he smiles)
  • (as the Chameleon is about to light the charcoal, a gust of blown air extinguishes the flame; a sloppily shaved Dudley appears out of nowhere, armed with his blowdryer)
  • Dudley: "Not so fast Cha-me-lee-on!" (aims blowdryer)
  • Kitty: (still tied up; pleasantly shocked) "Dudley, you shaved!"
  • The Chameleon: "Really badly." (patches of Dudley's mangled fur drift to the ground)
  • (temperature wheel exceeds 150F, starts spinning out of control and then combusts; cactus and kiddie pool set catch fire)
  • Kitty: "Dudley, quick, do something!"
  • Dudley: "C'mon Andy!" (positions cactus horizontally and rides astride the bun) "Hairspray powers, activate!" (punctures two hairspray cans against spines on each arm of cactus, providing thrust in a manner similar to a jet engine)
  • (riding his flying cactus, Dudley charges towards the Chameleon, who is shocked; Dudley jumps off right before it collides into the Chameleon, knocking him back into the trunk of the anchor tree; in turn, the jolt causes one of the anchors to fall onto the Chameleon's head, knocking him out)
  • The Chameleon: (disorientated) "These anchors were riper than I thought." (collapses)
  • (as burning continues, Dudley runs and jumps to the top of the Chameleon's rock and pulls out his hand mirror; he uses it to reflect light back into the giant magnifying glass, causing the latter to shatter into infinitesimal pieces; he then frees Kitty from her ropes as the winter climate returns - snow and clouds)
  • Kitty: "Thanks Dudley! Look, the temperature's dropping back to normal!"
  • The Chameleon: (shivering; awake) "There goes my heating bill!" (freezes into solid ice and falls)
  • Kitty: (sympathetic) "I'm sorry you had to give up the dog show Dudley."
  • Dudley: (teary-eyed) "It's okay, I'm already over it... NOOOOOOOOO! I KNOW I'M NOT! (throws his arms around Kitty, who smiles; he whispers) "You're way softer than Andy." (Kitty is startled)
  • (transition to exterior shot of T.U.F.F. building, which is partially blanketed in snow; kid next to a snowman throws a snowball at another kid, and then laughs; inside, Dudley stands on the podium, still fur-less and wearing his "Pretty" sash - as part of hastily-arranged ceremony, he is receiving an award ; all T.U.F.F. agents are present)
  • The Chief: (atop lectern; image magnified by monitor) "Agent Puppy, because you gave up the Dog Show to save Petropolis, you win the special, "GAVE UP THE DOG SHOW TO SAVE PETROPOLIS" Award!" (hands a paper with a fake award written on it; Dudley is happy)
  • (Keswick pulls back the red "Grand Prize" curtain to reveal a mailman; in fact, the exact same mailman)
  • Dudley: (gasps, excited) "My own mailman?! OHH THANKS GUYS!" (chasing after mailman, who runs for his' life)
  • Kitty: (folding her arms; satisfied) "You made up that award, didn't you?"
  • The Chief: (smiling) "Yep."
  • Dudley: (holding mailman over his head) "Finally, I feel like a wiener!"
  • (screen focuses on Dudley; it fades to black via an iris wipe transition, centering on his face)
  • (ending gag: ending title card appears with Dudley and his cactus popping down from above)
  • Dudley: "And I wanna thank Andy." (hugs cactus, then screams; covered in cactus spines) "I've got to stop hugging him!" (frame freezes..)
  • THE END

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