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"Watch Dog (transcript)"
Season 1, Episode 19
Watch Dog Title Card
Production Code: 110A
Airdate: January 15, 2011
Credits
Writer(s): Ray DeLaurentis
Will Schifrin
Kevin Sullivan
Director(s): Ken Bruce
Storyboards by: Dave Thomas
Art Direction: George Goodchild
Music by: Guy Moon
Chronology
Previous
The Wrong Stuff (transcript)
Next
Dog Dish (transcript)


This article is a transcript of the T.U.F.F. Puppy episode, "Watch Dog" from Season 1. It aired on January 15, 2011.

Transcript

  • (episode starts in a letterbox format, with some scenes depicted in split screen ; Dudley is driving the T.U.F.F. Mobile down the streets of Petropolis, trying to escape from a helmeted motorcyclist who is in pursuit)
  • (Dudley accelerates; the rider blasts a barrage of laser beams at the T.U.F.F. Mobile; a few beams pass cleanly through the windshield, missing Dudley)
  • (in response, Dudley presses a button on the dashboard and launches four small heat-seeking missiles from the rear of the T.U.F.F. Mobile; they fly into the motorcycle and explode, only to release enough energy to cause him / her to launch into the air and fly over Dudley)
  • (the rider lands in front of Dudley and continues driving; the motorcycle releases an oil slick which causes the T.U.F.F. Mobile to spin out of control...
  • Dudley: (losing control) "Whooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaa!"
  • (...and fall off the end of an elevated highway; while falling through the air, Dudley presses another big red dashboard button to activate the T.U.F.F. Mobile's airplane mode; [letterboxing ends] the engines thrust and the vehicle rockets through the air, well past the motorcyclist and into the indoor car-park of the T.U.F.F. headquarters; Dudley speedily lands the T.U.F.F. Mobile just inside the building and he jumps out to make a run for it)
  • (as the garage's door begins to close, the rider oversteers and powerslides to sneak underneath the closing door; they continue to slide past Dudley, who is desperately trying to run towards something in the distance
  • (the motorcyclist slides into the elevator and comes to a halt; they remove their helmet and unfurls their hair to reveal herself as Kitty)
  • Kitty: (unmasked; smirks) "Sorry Dudley, we both know there's only one chocolate doughnut in the snack room.. (smiles evilly) And that doughnut is mine!
  • Dudley: (just outside of elevator; bold) "Wrong, Kitty! 'Cause you're goin' down to level 6": (shows "6: Reserved Visitor Parking" button with "NON" written next to Reserved) ...NON RESERVED VISITOR PARKING!" (presses elevator button)
  • Kitty: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  • (elevator doors shut and indicator light flashes; Dudley quickly runs up the stairs, leaps through a dog door and spins in the air until he lands in front of the doughnut box [sitting on a table])
  • (Dudley opens the doughnut box and fixes his eyes onto a gleaming chocolate doughtnut)
  • Dudley: (excited) "Oh you're all mine. And now that I have you, nothing can divert my laser-sharp focus..." (jumps into the air and points) SHINY THING!
  • (Dudley leaps through the air and lands next to Keswick)
  • Dudley: (bounces up and down on all fours) "KESWICK! WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THAT? WHAT IS IT?!"
  • Keswick: (holding a shiny object away from Dudley) "Heel, Agent Puppy!"
  • (Dudley heels; Keswick looks at him sternly)
  • Keswick: (holds out object) "It's a time travel device.. I was just about to lock (opens giant vault door with sirens and a danger sign) it in this safe with my ma-mah-mah-most dangerous inventions. (vault door swings open to reveal a stockpile of boxes and weaponry; a few of Keswick's robotic inventions escape)
  • (a floating waffle maker squirts green acid at Keswick, who ducks just in time; the jet of acid burns through the wall, revealing the outside; Dudley and Keswick look through)
  • Keswick: "Why would I even build a waffle maker that shoots acid? Bet you're glad I'm on your side, huh?" (giggles to himself)
  • Dudley: (eager) "Can I borrow your time travel watch? I wanna go back to second grade." (whispers excitedly) "I'll know all the answers!"
  • Keswick: "Absolutely not! Changing even the slightest thing in the past, can have a caaahhh-cah-cataclysmic effect on the present." (ducks to avoid another stream of acid; which burns into the wall even more; looks at wafflemaker) "You know what the kicker is? It doesn't even make waffles!" (wafflemaker fires acid at floor beneath Keswick; he jumps, but falls through the new hole as soon as he lands; he screams)
  • (Dudley grabs the watch before it falls)
  • Dudley: (holding watch) "Second grade here I come.. I will dominate!" (celebrates, only to be interrupted by..)
  • Kitty: (disembodied voice; sing-song voice) "Oh, Dudley!" (screen cuts to a smug Kitty, who is holding the chocolate doughnut in her hand with an evil smile)
  • Dudley: (in slow motion; Dudley leaps towards Kitty) "NOOOOOOOOOOO-" (Kitty then eat the doughnut)
  • (The Chief bounces out of his office)
  • The Chief: "Bad news everyone. We made the front page for capturing Snaptrap." (holds morning paper in hand)
  • Keswick: (emerged from hole) "What's bad about that?" (glances at Dudley, who is flying through the air)
  • Dudley: "-OOOOOOOOO..."
  • (newspaper photgraph of Keswick, Chief, Kitty and Dudley standing over a defeated Snaptrap is shown)
  • The Chief: (points to himself) "Look at the picture. I blinked. I always blink."
  • (Dudley falls at Kitty's feet; grunts)
  • Kitty: (licking finger) "Mmmm-mah. Hah! Had your doughnut taken by a girl cat. Rough morning."
  • Dudley: (on his knees; cries a fountain) "It's just like second graaade!"
  • The Chief: "Calm down, Agent Puppy! Be a man and buy another doughnut. Oooh! And get me one of those heart-shaped cookies. I need a carbo load before my ballet class!" (sticks rolled up newspaper on Dudley's buttocks)
  • Dudley: (disappointed; watches Kitty walks off licking her finger at him teasingly and Keswick being chased by his acid-shooting waffle maker) "Alright I'll walk to the bakery!" (holds time travel watch) Or, I could set this watch back one minute and risk horribly altering reality to beat Kitty to that doughnut... GOING WITH THE WATCH!" (activates watch; clock ticks one minute back)
  • (Dudley is sent hurtling through the space-time continuum - a free-fall of shining blue light; he travels a minute into the past)
  • (Dudley shakes his head and is then shocked upon sight of "Snaptraps Coffee" shop")
  • Dudley: (looks at sign, a parody of the Starbucks mermaid) "Snaptrap's Coffee?!" (sees billboard for iced tea) "Snappy Trap's Iced Tea?!" (sees giant sign for a fast food restaurant, home to the cheese-less cheeseburger) "Bob's BIG RAT?!"
  • (Dudley is completely mortified, having altered reality; the frame cuts to a distance shot of the city: a dystopia shielded by stormclouds, littered with Snaptrap-shaped buildings and dominated by an imposing palace in the center; an airship passes by, reading "Welcome to Snaptrapolis")
  • Dudley: "Snaptrapolis?!" (holding head with hands) "What did I do?!"
  • Snaptrap: (appearing via giant monitor on airship; dressed in ceremonial uniform and wearing a crown) "Attention sniveling underlings. Starting today, everyone will be forced to work in my sulfur mines!" (now in-person)
  • Ollie: (whispers very quietly) "I don't think we actually have sulfur mines, sir."
  • Snaptrap: (awkward) "Wait, I'm being told I don't have sulfur mines." (breaks a sweat) "Well, this is embarrassing... Okay, starting today everyone will be forced to work at my... gift shop!" (back to airship monitor) "Where there's no employee discount! Hahahahahahahaha!" (transmission ends; screen goes to static)
  • Dudley: "AAAAH! I created an evil alternate world that's ruled by Snaptrap!" (falls to his knees and screams, with the watch in hand) "AH-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
  • (two robots resembling Snaptrap rush to Dudley's side)
  • Snapbot: (points; speaks in monotone) "Freeze, citizen! Beep! You're in violation of Snaplaw 26: no pantsless dogs can talk in slow motion while holding shiny objects."
  • Dudley: "Wow, that's a weirdly specific law."
  • Snapbot: "Prepare for pain."
  • (Snapbots retract their robotic claws and protact blasters; they blast Dudley, sending him flying into the air without the watch)
  • Snapbot: (takes watch with claw) "Shiny thing obtained." (Snapbots hover away)
  • (Dudley lands on the ground with a thump; he is charred in some areas)
  • Dudley: Oh no! (Snapbots return to castle; Dudley chases after them, and speaks while running) "Okay, Plan A: Get into Snaptrap's palace and get that watch back!"
  • (Snapbots enter palace through a portcullis; two other sentry Snapbots fire laserbeams at Dudley, burning him to a crisp)
  • Dudley: (badly charred) "Okay, new Plan A: Go to the gift shop and buy a soothing ointment!" ("Snaptastic Gifts" shop shown behind Dudley; he disintegrates into a pile of ashes)
  • (T.U.F.F. transition to show a passage of time; airships reading "snivel", "cower" and "whine" fly over the skies; at the palace entrance, Dudley approaches a Snapbot, tapping on its back)
  • Dudley: "Excuse me." (points to alley, lies) "Uh, there's a pantless lady dog back there talking in slow-motion to a shiny object." (bows)
  • Snapbot: "Thanks for the tip citizen. Beep!" (hovers off into alley; Dudley follows the robot, holding a plank with a giant nail hammered in)
  • (off-frame Dudley beats up the robot with his plank; soon enough Dudley stiffly walks towards the entrance wearing parts of Snapbot armor)
  • Dudley: (impersonating a Snapbot in dull monotone) "Hey fellas... Beep! Great day to be a robot rat, and not a dog..who unravelled the fabric of time to get a doughnut." (smiles)
  • Snapbot: "Enter, fellow Snapbot." (Snapbots at gate lift their axes and portcullis is raised; Dudley hastily walks through before it shuts again)
  • (Dudley rushes through a candle-lit hallway filled with rat suits of armor; on the left wall is Adam from Michaelangelo's "Creation of Adam" fresco, but with Snaptrap's head pasted over Adam's)
  • (Dudley rings the doorbell; The Chief, dressed as a butler, opens the door)
  • The Chief: (as the butler, Dumbrowski): "How may I be of service?"
  • Dudley: (still wearing Snapbot armor) "CHIEF!"
  • The Chief: "The name's Dumbrowski and I'm not a chief, I'm King Snaptrap's butler."
  • Dudley: "What?" (throws off Snapbot disguise) "Look, I know this may be hard to believe.. but in an alternate world, you're the fearless leader of a secret agency called T.U.F.F.!"
  • The Chief: (points) "And you're in violation of Snaplaw 56: talking about alternate worlds while not wearing pants!"
  • Dudley: (looks at his pantless legs) "Once again, super-specific law."
  • Snaptrap: (voice) "Oh Dumbrowski! Bring me my tea.. or perish!" (fires laserbeam; Dumbrowski barely dodges it)
  • (Dumbrowski rushes with a tea platter to Snaptrap, who is relaxing on his throne and twirling a handgun blaster around)
  • Snaptrap: "It's about time.." (takes teacup) "Now draw me a bath!" (points blaster)
  • (with a pencil, Dumbrowski hastily draws a picture of Snaptrap in a bathtub, on a sheet of paper)
  • Snaptrap: (grabs paper) "Wow, this is the best bath you've ever drawn. I'm gonna put it on the fridge with the little toilet you drew." (sticks drawing onto fridge with magnet)
  • The Chief: (bows) "Thank you your highness."
  • Snaptrap: (storms to Dumbrowski) "Did I say you could talk to me?! Say you're sorry..."
  • The Chief: (breaks a sweat) "I'm sorry."
  • Snaptrap: "Okay that was a trick, you talked again!" (stomps Dumbrowski with boot, repeats while laughing maniacally and then runs off)
  • Dudley: (sneaks in; picks up Dumbrowski) "Chief! I can get you out of here. You just gotta help me get my time travel watch back!"
  • The Chief: "Time travel watch? Boy, you really know how to keep it weird. Security!"
  • (Dudley screams in fear and then runs as a torrent of laser fire follows; Snapbots pursue him off-frame)
  • (T.U.F.F. transition to Snaptrap sitting in his dining hall, alone)
  • Snaptrap: (bangs on his table) "Chef Keswick! It's snacktime! Where are my evil nuggets?!
  • Keswick: (comes walking in wearing a chef's uniform and holding a serving dish) "Not only do I have your evil nuggets-" (lifts lid off tray to reveal a green mush, which Snaptrap finds appealing) "-but I've also invented a robot ketchup dispenser. Oh ja-jah-Jefferson, will you come in here?"
  • (fancy robot rolls in.. and squirts acid onto Snaptrap eyes', burning fur off his face)
  • Snaptrap: (angry) "Okay, he spit acid on my eye! Look, I don't pay you to buld robots! In fact, I don't pay you at all.
  • Keswick: (holds his toque in sorrow) "I know sir, it's just that sometimes I lie awake at night wishing I could be an inventor, instead of a ca-ca-cook.
  • Snaptrap: "I have a better idea. How about if I throw you into a pit of fire ants... with my mother." (cellphone rings) "It's her.. I swear she can always tell when I'm talking about her." (unenthusiastic) "Hi mom. Yeah? Well they're supposed to sting: they're fire ants!" (angrily hangs up and storms off to his litter; he claps and a few Snapbots take him away)
  • (Dudley sneaks in disguised as a pot plant)
  • Dudley: (pops out of bush) "Keswick! It's me, Dudley!"
  • Keswick: "Nice to meet you Me-dudley. You know you're in violation of Snaplaw 75, which states that-"
  • Dudley: "I'm sure it's a pants thing and it's very specific. Listen! Where I come from, you're a super genius who built a time travel watch that I-"
  • Keswick: "Tell it to the fire ants. Security!"
  • (Dudley screams, and is pursued by lasers)
  • (T.U.F.F. transition to Snaptrap's meeting room; the view pans from "Napoleon Crossing the Alps" with Snaptrap's head plastered onto it, to Snaptrap himself, sitting on his chair)
  • Snaptrap: (throws paper plane) "Okay Secretary Kitty, read back the minutes from our last evil meeting."
  • (scene zooms out to show Larry, Snaptrap, Ollie and Francisco seated on far side of the table; Kitty is reading out a transcript from a laptop)
  • Kitty: (dressed as a secretary, sulky; sigh) "Minute 1: You dropped Larry in the shark tank." (paper plane flies into heir hair; she glances) "Minutes 2 through 30: "Larry screamed, while you played Crazy Eights."
  • Snaptrap: "Wow, good meeting. Now go make me 500 copies of this bath my tiny butler drew."
  • (cut to Kitty photocopying the drawing)
  • (Dudley pops out from recycling bin; and then zips to Kitty)
  • Dudley: (gives her a big hug) "Kitty, it's you! Look, I know you don't recognize me, but in a different reality you're my partner and a kickbutt secret agent!"
  • Kitty: "That's ridiculous! There isn't a violent bone in my body! Now let.. go. Hi-gee-gee! (grasps Dudley, frontflips and throws him across the room)
  • (he hits the wall and falls down, causing it to break apart; two Snapbots who are next to Keswick and the Chief spot him)
  • Snapbot: "Beep! There he is! We have you now." (Snapbots grab Dudley by the legs; the newspaper he was carrying drops to the floor)
  • Dudley: (while being dragged away) "You have to believe me! In my world, you're all heroes! And not wearing pants is okaaay!" (dragged out of room and doors shut)
  • Kitty: (sees newspaper on floor) "Look! It's a newspaper article.. about us!" (grabs and reads off newspaper) "Pictured capturing supervillain Snaptrap are kickbutt agents, Dudley Puppy, Kitty Katswell-"
  • Keswick: (reads) "-super genius scientist Professor Keswick, and fearless leader chief Herbert duh-duh-Dumbrowski."
  • The Chief: (rubs eyes) "I can't believe my eyes! Why do I blink in every picture?"
  • (T.U.F.F. transition to airship over Snaptrapolis sky; the monitor displays SBC logo [a parody of NBC], which is interrupted by a transmission from Snaptrap)
  • Snaptrap: "Attention grovelling losers, it's time to play everyone's favorite new games show.."
  • (cut to studio; curtains are drawn back to reveal Snaptrap, who's wearing a suit)
  • Snaptrap: "... Hot Dog! Here's how the game works, I'll ask our contestant a question.. and before he can answer it, I'll launch him into a pool of molten lava!" (points to Dudley, who is tied on a catapult)
  • Ollie: (whispers quietly) "We're completely out of molten lava, sir."
  • Snaptrap: "Wait, I'm being told we don't have a pool of molten lava... so let's just go with the shark tank!"
  • (curtains open to reveal glass shark tank; catapult launches Dudley towards shark tank, where a shark is waiting to dine on him; as he screams Kitty comes swinging and pulls him away from the shark's jaws just in time; she lands with Dudley, next to Keswick and the Chief)
  • Snaptrap: (observes) "What are you guys doing here?!"
  • Kitty: (throws off her glasses and lets her hair loose) "We are through being your secretary, butler and nugget chef!" (Keswick throws off his toque)
  • The Chief: (gets rid of his bowtie) "Yeah! And we're gonna save the half-naked dog, get his magic watch and become secret agents!"
  • Snaptrap: "Boy, you really know how to keep it weird. Snapbots, arrest those traitors!" (an army of Snapbots gather behind Snaptrap)
  • (Kitty, Chief and Keswick are nervous; they look to Dudley)
  • Keswick: "Uh, what do we do half-naked dog?"
  • Dudley: (breaks free from ropes) "What you were born to do! Chief, start barking orders! Kitty, karate chop those robots! And Keswick, build somethin' that spits acid!"
  • The Chief: "Kitty, get that Snapbot to your left! Keswick, blast that one to your right. And get me a pink-heart shaped cookie.. I've got ballet class!
  • (Kitty punches the head off one Snapbot, tears through another with her claws and jabs right through the body of a third one, causing it to blow up)
  • (Keswick controls his Keswick robot to fire acid all over Snaptrap's Snapbots, causing them to melt and ending the confrontation)
  • Snaptrap: "As king of Snaptrapolis, I order you to surrender!" (whimpers)
  • Dudley: (lifts Snaptrap up; others watch) "Yeah?! Well as a doughnut-loving, time-traveling, pantsless dog, I order you into the shark tank!" (throws Snaptrap into the shark tank, where he is caught by the jaws of the hungry shark)
  • Snaptrap: "I liked my order better." (shark shuts its jaws)
  • Dudley: "Great teamwork guys. Now let's go get that watch!
  • (T.U.F.F. transition to Snaptrap's "Shiny Objects" vault, home to mountains of golden coins and activates it)
  • Dudley: "So, what made you guys finally believe me?"
  • Kitty: (holds newspaper) "We found this. Thanks, for helping us realize what we are really meant to do with our lives." (smiles, holds Dudley's hands)
  • Dudley: "I really have to go to the bathroom."
  • (Dudley flies through time and space once more, and returns to the regular universe in a flash; he notices Keswick is still being chased by the wafflemaker, Kitty is still licking her fingers and the Chief is reading the newspaper)
  • Dudley: (jumps) "YEESS! I'm back! I fixed the world... that I ruined."
  • Kitty: "What are you talking about?"
  • Dudley: (hugs Kitty) "Kitty this is awesome! You're not Snaptrap's secretary, the Chief's not a butler and 'Keswick's not a nugget chef."
  • The Chief: "Have you been opening doors with your head again?"
  • Dudley: (stops Keswick) "Keswick, take this watch back. I learned my lesson, I'm never gonna mess with time again." (hears the jingle of the ice cream truck; then busts outside and watches the truck as it leaves) "Oh no! I missed the ice cream truck!
  • (Dudley activates the watch and disappears, leaving Kitty, the Chief and Keswick startled; shortly he returns in a flash. with a triple-scoop cone of ice cream and..)
  • Keswick: (points) "Hey everyone look! Agent pa-puh-Puppy is wearing pants! (everyone reacts excitedly except for..)
  • Dudley: (drops ice cream) "WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (on his knees) "HOW DO YOU GET THESE THINGS OFF?!"
  • (EPISODE CONCLUDES WITH AN IRIS WIPE TO DUDLEY)
  • (ENDING GAG: DUDLEY AND KITTY STRIKE AN ACTION POSE OVER A "THE END" TITLECARD)
  • (THE END)

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